I recently had the … uh … pleasure, shall we say, of watching Sugar High, Glitter City. This would be my first experience seeing lesbian porn produced for a lesbian audience. When I first came out as queer, I spent long nights downloading the results of a web search for the words “lesbian pornography”. The hits I usually got featured women with boob-jobs, long painted fingernails, and bleached blonde hair. I watched these “made for men” pornos hoping to learn the tricks of the trade in a brave new world of lesbian sex. As a lesbian virgin at the time, I would wonder, is there always a man watching this girl-on-girl sex with a hard-on in his grasp?

Sure enough, my first lesbian sexual experience was all about the mutual exchange of pleasure, what we both wanted to do, and no video could ever teach me otherwise. Though no longer so inexperienced, I haven’t tried everything – yet – and eagerly walking home with my lesbian porn and a tube of lube (you know, just in case) I was thrilled at the chance to learn by watching the pros in action.

Where to start? Well, it made me wet in the end, and helped me along toward an orgasmic masturbation experience. But all porn does that, boob job or no boob job.

As a graduate of a Women Studies programme, I have deconstructed pornography and written countless critical essays about the denigration of women. I consider myself an expert in the field. Although I do admit that a thirty-grand diploma hasn’t discouraged me from watching porn. On certain occasions when my imagination isn’t getting me off, porn does the trick. I thought about how different or less degrading lesbian porn might be, compared to the rest. It wasn’t “male-centred” as no men were involved. Despite this, to my surprise there still were major power differences between the players.

I didn’t expect lesbian porn to have such a heterosexual feel and, if you will, rhythm to it. But the women who were top, butch or “boi” all had hard “cocks”. The bottoms were always femmes who wanted to get “fucked” with “dicks”. Even the dialogue was totally hetero. I think I heard three phrases throughout the film: “Yeah, you like my hard cock,” “you want my hard cock in you?”, and “suck on my cock.”

The message of this film was that bottoms don’t cum, but they do wince from the sheer intensity of the tops’ hard work and they do repeatedly scream, “Fuck, oh, fuuuuck.” So harsh, so… not loving like I thought it would be. I was expecting gentleness, body licks, neck kisses, massages, oral massages. That’s what I did in my own sexual encounters with women, though I suppose if a future lover wants me to strap on a twelve-inch dildo and fuck her really hard, I would oblige. (I always aim to please.)

Besides getting me off, and confusing me more on where and how I fit into the sexual world of lesbianism, watching Sugar High, Glitter City has inspired me. Along with my Women’s Studies degree, I also have a film school diploma. From a filmmaker’s point of view, I give the film credit for reproducing classic seventies porn music with a kind of present day electronic style. It fit well. The film also managed to stay consistent with its characters – femmes always on the bottom, butches on top. Consistency is good. It had interesting camera angles and even the acting was more promising than most of the laughably bad porn I’ve seen.

Still, I believe that I, the almost beginner-level queer “sexpert,” could make a better film. Here’s how. The theme: I liked the correlation of sugar and sex in Sugar High, Glitter City, the sweetness of candy like the sweetness of a woman’s juices. Yeah, yeah, but would all queer women make this connection? I had to come up with something that screamed “lesbian.” Then I had it. Every queer woman has been to a potluck. That would be the central theme of my porn.

All the queer girl types would be invited. Sure, there are cute butches that have caught my eye, and even more hot femmes. Sugar High, Glitter City didn’t turn me off those overt labels. I just felt more diversity was needed. So my cast would include a few butches, a couple of tomboys, some jocks, a femme in a schoolgirl’s dress, and of course, women who don’t like to categorize themselves, myself included. (Hey, maybe I’ll even star in it!)

Now for the hot action: There’s the flirting, the naked game of Twister, the gossippy sharing of dirty stories that the gals are just dying to act out, and let’s not forget the food. Oh, there’s just so much we can do with food! Chocolate fondue body painting, eating the sushi of our naked schoolgirl femme, and for our “fucking” pleasure, there’s that leftover cucumber from the salad. Just imagine the intensity, the hot fucking and sucking and eating. I’m imagining it right now, and it’s making me hot.

Well, I guess I did learn from the experts by watching Sugar High, Glitter City. I learned that this lesbian porn is just a teaser, a good place to start. Just because I haven’t fucked someone with a twelve-inch cock, doesn’t mean I won’t, but you know, I want more. So, I invite the producers of Sugar High, Glitter City to make a film that gets me off and is inclusive of all queer women. And, incidentally, I’d be happy to direct.